i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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