i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
