HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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