you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Bring me that man meat
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
