mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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