when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
