where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
