Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
