his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
