i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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