I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
