just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize