I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
im having a threesome with these popsicles
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize