come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
