I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
