can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
