Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
