He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
it's like iHOP with fire
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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