playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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