i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
