I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she peed on how many people?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
