This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
whose parrot is this?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize