Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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