I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
