I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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