I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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