he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
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