my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
