he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
