ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
