I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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