my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
this hospital has no fireball
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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