hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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