I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
only you would photoshop your dick
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
