I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Is her dick bigger than yours?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
