She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize