i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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