is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
its not stalking. its research.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
