What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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