I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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