i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
