I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize