She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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