Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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