I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
