if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
