Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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