Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
