you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
