Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I think people are normalizing furries
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
