I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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