Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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