No stitches, just platelets and will power
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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