So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
