So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
