oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
