My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
