mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
pray to the hookup gods
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize