I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
