My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
