He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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