Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
