Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
