Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
