in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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