I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
