I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
