She went from zero to smokin in five shots
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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