Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
