is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
