Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
God I need to hump something, right now.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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