this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
