some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
