me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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